I Have Seen the Future and It Isn’t Shitty!

Answering Nature’s Call in Melbourne

Toilet. Bathroom. Restroom. Ladies. Loo. Baño.

I have asked for and sought out the location of where to do my business in many countries. Nothing is worse than having to go when there isn’t a location in sight. So, after walking three kilometers from a train station to a food truck gathering and feeling nature’s call, I was concerned. Then there, in the middle of the park in Yarraville Gardens, like a beacon, was the universal sign for women and men. 

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I didn’t give a crap what it looked like, if you get my drift. 

With a sign that said Exeloo on a typical park toilet (you know the type, a cement box in the middle of a park), I dug in my purse for coins, assuming there would be a charge for something called the Exeloo.

Note: This is not the actual Exeloo experienced in Melbourne. This is a similar model in a park in Perth.

Note: This is not the actual Exeloo experienced in Melbourne. This is a similar model in a park in Perth.

Nope, no charge, just a button to press with a polite note that my time would be limited to 10 minutes.

Polite? Ten Minutes? 

I took a breath, preparing for the inevitable park toilet stench and pressed the button.

A metal door whisked open to reveal a clean - almost hygienic - box with a toilet, sink and more instructions. And, no smell!

I stepped in and was advised to press the bottom to close the door. So, I did. 

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The instructions were clear—you did your business, pressed a different button for toilet paper and when you went to wash your hands, the toilet would then (and only then) flush. I received an appropriate amount of toilet paper for my completed job and stepped over to the sink, an appropriate distance from the toilet. When I put my hands under the soap, once again, an appropriate amount of soap dispensed—what a clever Exeloo! And, once my hands were under the faucet, as promised, the toilet began flushing. I took my hands out. The toilet stopped flushing. Back under the faucet, toilet flushed.  Important to note that the sink was a distance from the toilet. Perhaps not the distance the Mythbusters would deem appropriate for flying germs, but certainly it felt out of the way. 

Since it is the public toilet of the future, I was then advised where to go for my hands to get thoroughly dried off. 

With that done, and clearly within the ten minutes allocated, I used my jacket sleeve to press the door open. Old habits and all. It was much easier then pulling a door open with a sleeve. 

An important detail, and one I suspect will differentiate Exeloos in the future, was the wonderful Muzak playing from the moment I hit the close button until I reopened my doors. 

Clearly, the future isn’t shitty, and one that we should all give a crap about. 


Check out the Exeloo website.

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I Have Seen the Future and It Isn’t Shitty!
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